Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
