id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
