I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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