I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
