Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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