I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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