I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
