I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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