I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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