I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
