Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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