And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
