I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
