Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
