i already hear my dad disowning me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
