you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
