at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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