Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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