god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
