I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
