First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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