Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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