It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
