He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
