so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
