Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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