Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
