if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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