Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Farmville is her only friend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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