I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
