Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is classic penis vs brain.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
