so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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