Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
