last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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