he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone came in the potted fern
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
