I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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