Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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