you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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