OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
