Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
