last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
