Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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