I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
