Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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