I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
