i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
