Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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