I wanna bring you to show and tell
the condom got lost in my hair
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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