Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
