i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
