How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
